I recently had a friend ask me a question about some darkness in my past. While going through this conversation I wondered to myself how many people have struggled with the pain of someone asking about their past; their secrets. When this friend and I were talking I had so much pain and so many memories resurface and I became angry again. I’ve dealt with these things many times before and each time it’s a little easier, but it still catches me off guard and takes time to deal with. I don’t know of many secrets I hold anymore. But I wonder if you do?
I wonder how many of you reading this article have things coming to mind, things that you may have never told anyone for fear of how they would react, fear of being exposed. I had so many secrets for so many years. Some of these secrets were results of my own decisions and many were not. They were things that happened to me that I had no control over. But still yet, these things when kept in the dark can tear a person up inside. I learned a few years ago that until we expose these deep dark hurts and pains, they stay in the dark and end up becoming much worse than they began. When we keep things in the dark the enemy can take hold of the pain and lie to us about who we are causing us to live in hell on the inside. When we finally tell someone about these things it’s like we are shedding light on the darkness and lies we’ve believed for so long. These lies that no one will understand what we’ve experienced, no one will understand what we’ve done. Lies that say we are failures and unworthy, that it was our fault. Lies that tell us because we made this specific decision to do these things we must have something wrong with us at the core of who we are. These things are such lies, but out of fear and guilt we hold them in allowing them to control our every move.
I wonder, if we were all to take these secrets to someone we trust or write them down and get them out of our heads, what would happen? Would healing happen? Why are we so afraid? I think we all have this in common, this fear that someone will find out or that no one will understand. We are all human and have all made bad decisions or had things forced upon us that we had no control over. Some of us have only thought things that we feel we can never ever talk about.
We have all experienced these feelings in some way then haven’t we? I mean, we’re all the same in so many ways and we are all broken people. I bet if we were to start exposing these pains we would realize that we are all more alike than we know. Obviously, if we start talking about things we’ve held in for so long we have to be careful and make sure we speak to someone we trust. These things will undoubtedly bring pain and unwanted memories, but I think ultimately it is worth it.
Through this conversation with my friend I realized it had been some time since I spoke on these secrets. They may not have been secrets anymore, but they had been for a long time, and to be reminded of them again was difficult to deal with. If it was still difficult for me even though I’ve dealt with my secrets before, I wonder if maybe it is even more difficult for those of you still holding it all inside.
I’m writing this for you; the one who has so much pain and confusion inside; pain being kept in by fear. Maybe it’s time for you to expose these things and break the bondage it has on your mind and heart. I pray in time you will find someone willing to walk through these secrets with you and bring you healing and wholeness.