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I believe in waiting until marriage for sex. However …

Question: I believe in waiting until marriage for sex. However after accepting the fact that I am a lesbian it’s raised a question for me. I live in Australia where same sex marriage is not legislised nor recognised by our government and I’m just wondering what that would mean for my future partner and I down the road?

Answered by: LBP Board Memeber Joni

This is a question I have pondered many times myself.  I happen to live in a Country where same sex marriage is legal and recognized.  Yet, I still had the same question in regards to each of my relationships.  How could I walk in purity before the Lord and know the boundaries when being with my girlfriend as they don’t seem to be as black and white as they may be with opposite sex.

I think for each couple it is different.  We need to ask God what He is speaking to our lives, to our relationship and allow Him to guide us in that.  Like you, I believe in waiting until marriage, so what constitutes a marriage?  Is it a piece of paper from the government or is it a vow, a serious oath, a covenant between two people before God?  I think the Holy Spirit will come along side us when we invite Him into our relationships and will help us make those boundaries in our intimacy that are needed.  It is hard to define the line in which not to cross, I think it is something both women can agree on together and then abide by it.  It won’t always be easy.  Try to avoid those things that excite and stir desires and wants that can’t be righteously satisfied.  God will show you what those things are.

I wish there was a black and white answer on it.  When I read the Word I see that we are to desire purity, chase after righteousness, be holy, etc.  What does that look like in each of our lives?  I think it looks different in each person.  We can’t evaluate what might be wrong for one may be right for another, we are simply in different places in our lives and God is dealing with different areas.

Abba, I pray that You would draw us closer to You.  You know our desire to live pure and righteous lives before You.  Our desire to have You as the center of our relationships.  I pray that You will speak clearly to our hearts and show us Your boundaries in our intimacies.  Give us strength and wisdom to honour those boundaries and allow Your blessing to fall on our love because of the obedience.  Have Your way Lord, let Your will be done.  Holy Spirit, would You please come and speak clearly to our hearts.  Be glorified, in Jesus’ name.


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  1. I am a 58 yr. old believer who technically identifies as bisexual (as strange as it sounds to most people, gender just isn’t a factor for me as to whether I am romantically attracted to a person). I became a Christian when I was 16 and was blessed to be discipled by the most loving person I have ever known who ended up leaving the church because she is a lesbian. It has not been easy, but I have stayed “technically” a virgin with men (I have been physically intimate in basically the same ways with both sexes). Unfortunately I never found a man who could commit to marriage withiut going for a full test-drive, so I have never married a man. In my time marriage with women was not an option and is still not one at my current church. What I recommend for you is to make a commitment with whomever you are with that Christ always stays at the center of your relationship, that you prayerfully decide together what the limits should be for physical intimacy, and that you honor each other by not doing anything that BOTH of you are not comfortable with doing. If at some point your relationship gets to a place where you are both ready to commit before God to be faithful to each other for life, then I beleive you are married in His eyes. It is a special blessing if you can find a group of Christians who will support you in that commitment, but it’s not absolutely necessary for your union to be recognized by law or “the church”. For precedent you can read in the OT where all that was needed for a marriage was for it to be consummated in the Biblical sense (e.g. Gen. 24: 67 for Isaac and Rebekah). The original “definition” of a wife is found in Gen. 2: 24 where one “leaves father and mother and cleaves to his/her wife and they become one flesh.” May you someday find the incredible joy of becoming one flesh with your wife!

  2. I was raised in a Catholic home and my family is accepting of me being a lesbian. I am a virgin and I want to wait to have sex till marriage. I was wondering how to find others like myself that want to wait till marriage to have sex.

  3. I think it’s really awesome that you’ve made a commitment to wait until marriage! It’ll definitely be difficult to stick to but you should know that I admire you greatly for doing so. 😀

  4. The question posed really resonates with me, as I have made the decision to wait until I’m married to be “intimate”. I’m almost 32 and I’ve had many lovers in the past, and I wish I would have valued myself and trusted in my faith enough to have waited for my soulmate. God has a plan for all of us and if we just heed his advice, our lives will be full and happy.

  5. I think the key here is that marriage is not ONLY between the couple and God. Marriage is a public commitment to God AND to the community and families involved that the couple will be faithful to each other until death. Wedding ceremonies are important — they involve the while community acknowledging the commitment. If you’re willing to say “till death do us part” in front of God and families and friends, then that sounds like a marriage, whether the paperwork is there or not.

    Don’t fall for the “whatever is right for us” trap — there’s so much temptation there, such a slippery slope when hormones are flowing. Wait for marriage before God and community. You. Will. Not. Regret. It.

    Keep yourself for your spouse. You’ll be so amazed at the blessing it is to have managed to wait.

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