Home / Encouragement / How can you be authentic in who you are while living a secret?

How can you be authentic in who you are while living a secret?

Answered by: LBP Board Member Joni

First I want to look at what authentic means, “genuine, accurate in representation”. What does genuine mean, “not counterfeit, real, free from pretense”.

So how can we be authentic, the real us, genuinely who we are, while keeping a part of us hidden in secret? It can definitely cause discord inside of us as we feel we are not being honest and shame can creep in as we feel our integrity lacking by not being fully us, who we are at all times in front of all people. For many of us, discovering who we are authentically can be a journey in itself. When I finally accepted the sexual part of me and identified that I was in fact a lesbian, I began to understand a lot about myself. Things suddenly made sense deep inside and pieces came together that had seemed jagged and just didn’t fit. Initially, I was discovering who I was fully, the real me and embracing that while at the same time I did have to live in secret. I began to accept who I was and then seek to discover that God also accepted me as I was and in fact, knew all along who I was as He created me fully to be me. I allowed Him to let this truth go deep in my spirit and in my heart.. it took awhile for me to fully believe it. I learned that being a lesbian was only a part of who I was and that God has truly made me a beautiful mosaic, several things making me ME. I think it is possible to live authentically while not being open to others about every piece that makes you who you are. Doing that though, I believe, comes from a place of accepting yourself and being at peace with who you truly are. You can walk in authenticity and hold those dear things close to your heart without parading them around others. Keeping things close to your heart does not mean you are deceiving others or lying to them, it just simply means you are using wisdom until you feel you are able to share those things with them.

Psalm 139, this entire chapter is something that I read out loud to myself often. I want to highlight a couple of the verses in this chapter.

verses 1-3 “O Lord, You have searched me and KNOWN me, You know my sitting down and my rising up, You UNDERSTAND my thoughts afar off. You COMPREHEND my path and my lying down and are ACQUAINTED with all my ways.”

verse 13a “For You formed my inward parts…”

verse 15a “My frame was not HIDDEN from You when I was made in SECRET…”

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  1. those who love us and accept us do it because they know us , those who judge and condemn will do that with most they know cause that is how they roll…so my conclusion to the whole story is be who you are , dont argue with those who think they are right , know your own heart with God and accept that your love towards God and his guidance in your life is your confirmation of your walk with God and no one on this green earth has the right to approve that or disapprove that to you…the thing is that straight people mess up too and hide things too…and we dont go around pointing out all their wrong doings…
    Rest in God , grow in Him …sometimes our walk with him is just with him…dont let others confuse you …listen to your heart…

  2. Stephanie, that is a great question and one that I ask often and have had many different answers. It breaks my heart when I know that someone has to live in secret. The reasons opened my eyes so far beyond myself and my small little world.

    Your statement to the Lord is one that I too made myself almost word for word. I realized that when I prayed about something I was doing, or a personality or character issue, sin, anything I was seeking change on in myself… He answered… it was a process and was painful at times, but He was with me through it and change came.. except in this one area of being a lesbian. I finally clued in, there was nothing for Him to change, He created me this way.

  3. That question just makes me ask another question.. why are you living in secret right now?
    I lived in secret for years and coming from a conservative Christian background I certainly had my reasons for doing so.
    For me the fact that I had to leave ‘normal’ Christian circles which was a big part of my life, meant that I had to start to seek God in a new, raw and honest way.
    This was a blessing I really didn’t expect.
    I got to the point where I was basically screaming at Him ‘this is me and I can’t be someone else anymore and if you love me you will accept the way you made me or make me straight!’
    (really mature I know)
    God has shown me Himself in a way that I don’t believe would have been possible had I stayed in hiding and still within my church.
    In short my Dad still has a hard time accepting me and I don’t belong to any church at the moment, and although I do miss the fellowship, I wouldn’t trade acceptance for the ‘peace that passes all understanding’ that I now have in my very authentic walk with our Lord.

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