Mary Alfred
I came out late in life after a 13 year marriage to a man with whom I have a son .
I was 41 at that time and operated a street ministry called Yesway Cafe that I owned and operated.
I was a non denominational spirit filled believer.
A man was ministering one night at the Yesway Cafe on hidden sin , I didn’t feel as though my being a lesbian was the sin , it was my hiding it from the public and my husband.
That night in front of who I thought would be those who would understand me i confessed , as said in scripture: in the multitude of counsel there is safety , I confessed my desires as a homosexual.
My husband was stunned by my confession being public but I do believe , he already knew .
As time went by I thought i maybe should have came out differently , but as many of us I felt no time would be a good time , that it would have the same results of shock .
Needless to say I was divorced , now a single mother , and also had to explain to my son Dads not coming home.
I felt guilty more for the choices my Husband had made to abandon his son , and for the life he choose to literally drink himself to death as he has died 08/07/2011 .
Before he died I spoke to him asked him to forgive me for hurting him , verbally I never heard him say I forgive you , but I hoped that he did.
Was never my intent to hurt anyone , I just had to be true to myself and it was time no matter who agreed or dis agreed .
I felt selfish to say this is my life , I have to live the rest of this life either happy or discontent.
I choose my happiness , my own personal well being.
My next struggle was the God I loved and served since 1986 will he accept and love me still .
According to the church , I was bound for hell , which removed me from fellowship and ministry.
A year went by with fear , alone , church family abandon me , I found God in a way as I had never found him before , I thought I knew grace , but found out grace is abounding that it reaches out further than we can fathom …I was comforted by this scripture that reads …The work that God has began in me , He will be faithful to complete it…Its Gods faithfulness , even when we are faithless…
I am honored to say today that I am a believer in Jesus Christ and I am a lesbian and God is my Father.
Everyone has to make their own choices in life , and sometimes we may choose wrong but to live in that choice for the rest of my life to make others happy was wrong .
I came out with honesty and tears , hoping for understanding and forgiveness from people .
My slate is clean , my life is on tract , I’m by no means perfect but Gods love is still abounding towards me
I miss ministry , and I do hope someday I will find my place to reach out and touch lives again.
The callings of God are without repentance , meaning to whom he has called and gifted he will continue to use .
I look for open doors. I keep my heart open. I wait on God .
In Christ Alone I put my trust,
Mary Alfred
Mary, I just want to say thank you for posting this! My partner, Tricia and I have been together since 1992, and have twin daughters, age 9. When the girls were almost 3, I felt I could not be in the relationship anymore. The girls and I left and soon after, started going to church. Long story short, I ended up cutting off their relationship with her after about year into our separation. By this time everybody knew about us. I was so afraid of what they thought, that I needed to prove to them that I wasn’t “that” person anymore. That God had changed me. I joined a worship team, became involved in a brand new ministry, and in the process of all of this, I became just the same as the people I once lived in fear of. Judgmental and so full of fear. I could not even look at someone I knew was gay. In my heart I felt ashamed, and in my denial, I wanted to help change them. Back in 2009, God placed a ministry call on my heart for the LGBT community who wanted to “get out”. This ministry was going to teach and show individuals that, “Change Is Possible” with me being the example. I know now that, that was my plan not God’s!! God started dealing with my heart, and asking me, “How can I forgive you, if you cannot forgive or ask forgiveness from Tricia?” I did not know the answer. But, God did! I called her after 3 years of running from her, and I apologized. Today we have a very strong relationship. I realize that I was in denial of truly who I am. It has taken awhile for me to accept that God loves me and the call that he has placed on my life. I realize now, that God has called me to minister to those who struggle with acceptance of being gay. With the rates of suicide continuing to grow my heart aches every single day to take a stand and help. Because I have been there. I know the struggle, I have suffered judgment, hurt, and abandonment. Unfortunately, I have been the one causing those things too. I don’t want anyone to experience that kind of pain. About a year ago, the Mission of my ministry became clear. God spoke to me and said, “Everything that you thought it would be, do, and stand for, DO the opposite!!” I do have resistance, and have experienced being hurt by other christians, but I know, when God is for you, who can be against you. I know that who God calls, he qualifies. I know that he will never leave us of forsake us, that we can go boldly to the throne!! I look forward to what God has in store for my family and yours. I will be praying for you! Love, Tammy
Its very confusing at times Tammy , we who know and love God as Lesbians have to stop listening to what others say and qoute from the bible to us and learn to hear God for ourselves.
The word says a word in due season is sweet , i have to remind myself that sometimes people just qoute scriptures from thier own minds and not always of the spirit where the annointing comes and breaks the yoke…when God speaks to us its in a way that we can recieve it and never in condemnation…there is only one who condemns, Jesus said he did not come to condemn the world , but to save it…Love is lacking in our world today , gratitude seems to be a virtue lost …we know discouragement is not of God but at times without proper suppprt groups we feel alone in our dispair…Paul said I have become all things to all people so that i may win some…its more important to God that we relate and win souls , that point fingers and drive them away…God spoke to me one day and said I would minister to women , i thought if he means church women i may have to run from that call…but im seeing now that it is lesbians , I have to retrain my whole way of thinking because of the legalisms i had been taught from organized religion….I am still learning , but I know this we have to speak with confidence and believe ourselves in what we say to be affective..Thank you for your prayers they are truely needed…sometimes i just want to sell everything i have and move to the country and not even deal with society , but seems just when I say let everyone save themselves , im done , God sends another ….he surely dont know when to quit..lol..so here i am again open , to say God have your way…
I am in absolute agreement with you!! Thank you for your words of wisdom!!