Home / Articles by Kori Ashton / Gay Marriage

Gay Marriage

Lesbian WeddingI’ve been asked many times – “How can you believe in the Word of God as the undeniable, perfected law by which to live, and call yourself a Gay Christian and marry a woman?”

I guess they are basically asking me how to rationalize homosexuality and explain the passages in the Bible that speak about same-sex acts. Because if I can prove that homosexuality is not a sin, then gay marriage doesn’t look so wrong either.

The Holy Word of God, known as the Bible, is our history, our heritage, God’s love letter, and our written guideline for living. With this powerful resource we must be responsible and become life-long students of Scripture. And we must realize that in our human capacity we are unable to have the revelation of the Scripture unless the Holy Spirit reveals it to us.

That being said, I believe that the Lord in His sovereign wisdom has a plan for us. He has allowed that plan to move with the ebb and flow of humanity. As needed, incest was appropriate in Scripture until God commanded otherwise. For a while, polygamy was condoned. The Lord needed the earth to be populated. So, man and woman were charged with, “Be fruitful and multiply.”

However, in 2012, in a world completely over-populated, I wonder what the “norm” or charge from the Lord would be now? I don’t think He would limit the plan for only heterosexual couples to commit to one another and raise kids or love each other. He doesn’t see male or female like our minds view sex.

“What about the passages that mention homosexual acts as an abomination?”

Well that’s a whole different article and you can read that here…. In short, I do believe that God’s plan for mankind has evolved over the centuries; however one underlined commandment has remained absolute – “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind.” (Luke 10:27)

So as a Christian lesbian, I see Scripture as a whole and view the heart of God within the powerful commandments and promises revealed there. I’m still learning and pray that the Lord is constantly revealing His truth to me daily by His Holy Spirit. And if we could just get past all of the RULES and understand that Christ came so that the law would be fulfilled, we would peel back the layers of dogma to find relationship. While many rules are needed and still apply, there’s a deeper level of a faith walk experienced by a mature Christian where rules might have been what guided you initially but love and relationship is what drives the faith walk further on and sustains it during the storms.

I call myself a lesbian because I am same-sex attracted. I married my best friend because we wanted to commit our lives to each other and have a family. I call myself a Christian because I’m in love with Christ. And as Christians, we must yield to His Will, and realizing that we don’t understand law and divine supremacy at His level. What we might think is a RULE today, might just be a tool in His hand to guide us to a better tomorrow without any rules and into a realm of unconditional love with no labels. Who knows?? Who am I to say? Who are you to say? All we can do is love. Just love.

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  1. This has been just the sight I needed, an answer to a pray you might say. I relate to everyone here .I have been with my girl just over 5 years and I struggle with some of these same things.I’m in love with my lord and he will always come first. I am so uplifted right now just hearing you all. You have given me, or this is God giving me direction through you all. Thank you all for your inspiration. God Bless

  2. PrincessPureheart

    Dear Karen,
    May your union be blessed! I have longed for a more traditional structure with the woman God has for me, and it is refreshing to know I am not alone!
    I may also add that in early church history same-sex unions were rather common. I believe there were two male martyrs–St Stephen I believe was one–who were united in such a marriage.
    I doubt i need to add this but if one reads 1 Samuel from about chapter 18 onward, it becomes quite clear that David–yes THAT David!–and Jonathan were married before God, and that He blessed this union. (Funny how David’s seduction of a WOMAN was condemned, not to mention murder of that woman’s husband, and much deceit! One must wonder, in our modern world, is our Lord angry with us because of gay marriage–which He isn’t!–or is it child abuse, murder, deceit, infidelity, greed and corporatism? One has no further to read than this!)
    Not to mention–there is likely due to very patriarchal Old Testament traditions of PEOPLE (not God–Christ Himself says in regards to divorce that the Father made allowances before grace, but we are now capable of living free) that same sex contact (at least between men, there is only a very brief mention by the apostle Paul in Romans, I believe) was banned due to health reasons as well as not wishing to treat men (who were at that time in history treated as superior to females) as women.
    Much love,

  3. Homosexuality was never condemned in The Bible, it’s specific Pagan ritual that involved Penetrative Anal intercourse where a Male would play as the Avatar of the Goddess Astarte/Aphrodite/Magna Mater ect. So there is no need for Gay Christian to insist God’s attitude towards anything has changed since the Canon closed, read about David and Johnathon, or Daniel, or the Centurion who’s Lover Jesus healed. I’ve written an in depth dissertation on this you can find my Tumblr, where I’m JaredMithrandir.

  4. Thanks for this article! But as someone who wonders everyday about whether or not my feelings are okay, I find myself on the fence a lot. I think sometimes I try to explain things (Biblically) so that the outcome will work for my favor (I will get to be with the woman I love.) I guess I just think its amazing that you are to the point where your faith and your life can match up. When did you know or believe that God was okay with who you wanted to marry? Did you have to convince yourself that God/ the Bible is okay with it?

    The thing that caught my eye here was where you said, “In short, I do believe that God’s plan for mankind has evolved over the centuries.” I am curious to know in what other ways do you see God’s plan evolving. I have always been taught and know that the Bible says God is unchanging. (James 1:17 and Malachi 3:6)

    Ah. Too many questions, right? haha. I think about it this way. Like you said about loving God first and foremost. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind.” (Luke 10:27) As long as I am doing this, I am doing what God asks of me.I cannot go wrong! If anyone gets in the way of that, female or male. Then that’s where the problems are.

    Anyway, thanks for the thoughts. Keep loving our Lord and I will too!


    • This is exactly what I am going through, too! Ah! :) I am so relieved because not even two minutes ago I was a wreck, posting a comment on another post. I am glad that God brought me to this. I still have questions, though,too.

  5. Feeling the sisterhood vibe… and loving it! I can relate to all of you so much! I only a couple of years ago let go of some anger that was keeping me away from Christ and I have to say I love everything I have read here! I also wanted to make a small comment that I always think in my head when people mention multiplying and marriage…. In Paul’s letters to Corinth, (and I think it’s the first chapter 7, but I could be way off) when asked about marriage, Paul makes an off the cuff statement that marriage ‘isn’t a sin’. It always struck me funny that will all the focus put on ‘marriage’, most chrisitians portray Jesus as this single fully focused guy, and Paul says only that it isn’t a sin, so if you really need to… then go ahead. That always makes me giggle. Christ died for me, provided me with something called ‘grace’ and allows room for others to have their opinions as well. Someone once told me that the bible mentions greed hundreds of times, and judging others and not loving folks just as many. Because of that, I remember just how many flaws I am still working on, and try to say a prayer and walk away when folks get on me today about my choice of partner. (Some days are easier than others… to say the least). So, thanks to all of you for being here.. I am working on it still, one step at a time.

  6. Dear Karen,
    I see how the Holy Spirit is using this time to draw you closer in to Him and to open doors of opportunity that is caused by the longing of your heart.
    I have just found this web site and all of you are my new community of friends- people who share same like faaaith, goals and ideas.
    Karen — knowing what we all struggle with– and knowing how few of us that are Christians and gay– knowing there are so few places for us to go— my gracious Karennn———-
    your BB could be a retreat of sorts for people with broken back grounds who are coming to terms with who they are and realizing—–Yes God Loves Me–Me-ME even ME–
    what a cool place and opportunity you have to offer a safe environment to receive Healing– counseling strength restoration and just plain ol”recreation for the soul.
    Give us a place to come and fellowship– share Jesus- sing songs and pray for one another–
    I’ll be the first to sign up .

  7. I enjoyed both the article and the comment. As someone who grew up in an extremely conservative home, I struggle with all of the issues presented.

    While my partner and I have lived together for over 20 years, we are still not out to most of the people in our lives. Most people that hear that say that our families are just pretending not to know but in actuality the idea that we could be gay is so diabolical and so foreign to them that they are just unable to consider it. We’ve both chosen not to tell them ONLY because we don’t want to hurt them.

    Anyway, this is all kind of off-topic but we do yearn for the day that Illinois legalizes gay marriage because we certainly want to do that here where we live.

  8. Hmmm…Thanks for putting your thoughts in writing, so we can all share and think about it! I suppose we all ponder a lot of these same issues. One thing I have running around in my head is my former pastor’s wife (with whom I have great, deep theological conversations) saying that Scripture isn’t a pick and choose buffet, and that her take is that it is absolutely timeless, that nothing’s different today in what God requires of us. For instance, I don’t argue that the world looks overcrowded to us, but what about looking from another perspective, that God knows best and he provides for his children? On what are truly small bones to pick in your piece above, I can see both sides of the “arguments” and always wonder if it’s just because we have pea-sized brains and we sin that we humans have struggles such as hunger and poverty? That if we could get our acts together and as societies behave more Christ-like, that the blessings could very well support as many people as God would allow to show up on earth?

    I really enjoy being in conversation on issues like these and appreciate having recently found your site!

    And I so appreciate your overall message that relationship with Him is where it’s at. Thank you for your encouragement for our faith walks!

    I had to go back up to the top to see what the headline was that you’d chosen for the article, and see it’s Gay Marriage, since I’d gotten so far off topic on the small chunks of what you’d shared that I was swishing around in my brain.

    Quite different from the direction of where you are going in today’s article, I’ve had a lot of thoughts lately on the state of my gay marriage. Kamille and I have been married about 20 months. I’ve been dejected and listless lately, sad that I don’t hear from a number of friends any more (my previous church friends have melted away now that I seem gay for sure and it seems unlikely they’ll change me, now that I took the step of marrying a woman).

    I’ve been in prayer about what’s up with this, God? Do we need to move to be around more folks who’d be ok with us? (Rural, small-town Alaska is not the most gay-friendly place…) i’m a very social person, and socialness has been cut off since I’ve been with Kamille, by and large, except for talking with old friends elsewhere by phone. After being whiny and mopey for a good chunk of time, I felt some revelation.

    Ten years ago, God brought me to this specific plot of land, 3000 miles from home, and gave it to me against all odds (the bank should have never okayed such a huge mortgage for me, a single person, starting up a new B&B business, but that was that moment of giving mortgages to anyone). He has provided every single thing I need in abundance, including a wonderful partner, but with the exception of a bevvy of friends like I’ve always had other places I’ve lived. In retrospect, I think this was to strongly encourage me to draw closer to and rely on Him, for which I’m grateful, but I was still whiny about my friend situation.

    This revelation that I feel came as an answer to my prayers about what to do about friends, reminded me that I’d been given this period of the last year and a half to concentrate on my new marriage. As I look back, I don’t know how I would have managed otherwise, with as many committees and meetings and friend activities as I used to be involved in. That it has taken this devoted time together for Kamille and I to work out a lot of the kinks that surely are common to newly married folks. Despite a couple years of dating, there were still a lot of miscommunications, things that we didn’t yet know about each other, etc, that were blocks we had to work through. I imagine these are exactly the same challenges that straight couples go through, too, it just has been on my mind lately, how it’s going in my gay marriage…

    It’s been harder than I thought, but also beautiful to get to choose what it means to be a good wife. There are the heterosexual standards (though greatly more diverse these past 40-50 years), and there is kind of the lesbian norm in which I “grew up” in college and as a young adult. That was typically shown as “everyone’s equal, we take turns, anything goes if that’s how you want to do it.” There were some couples who identified as butch/femme where the “wife” seemed to be in a more traditional role, but to some degree it seemed kind of campy like playing at a role.

    Within a Christian context, I wanted a marriage where my spouse would be head of household and take my opinions into consideration, then make a decision for our family, as well as being a spiritual head of our family. In the practical application, I do keep the house and make our meals, and Kam’s job is to keep track of when my car’s oil needs changed and gets on the roof when the windstorms blow the TV dish out of alignment, stuff like that. That works for us! We do want very much to find community around women who share similar lifestyle beliefs, and to be in dialog with Christian lesbians about how they make their choices in their walks.

    We are fortunate and blessed that we did have the time and space to lay down good, solid foundations for our marriage, and then personally I had a lot more one-on-one time with the Lord, too, because of “a lack of friends.” Was that part of God’s plan for me, knowing that I’m the first one to flit off to have fun, and sitting down to Bible study is still something that feels “hard?” Probably. I’m what I think of as moderately versed in the Bible. Much more so than my Catholic family who have no clue what Scripture actually says, but I have so far to go to quote verses at will. Not only do I yearn for the Holy Spirit to make the words not seem difficult to understand but also to just downright crave to be in the Word.

    Thanks for this venue to share our thoughts!

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