When you start dating and fall in love, it’s natural to want to express your love in physical ways. However, you know it’s not only healthy (keeping away from STD’s) but it’s also great in God’s eyes to remain sexually pure—in both your actions and your thoughts. Sometimes it’s a tough balance, but showing love for another and remaining pure is possible.
Here are some suggestions:
1) Keep innocent expressions special. Rather than making the innocent expressions a mere prelude to the “heavier stuff,” make the most of them. Let holding hands mean something. Express tenderness by simply putting your arms around each other. Make sure a kiss communicates true feeling and isn’t just the first step to further physical involvement.
2) Pace your passion. Every marathon runner knows that you don’t use up your energy at the beginning of the race; you need most of it at the end. Pacing your passion means that you realize you’re trying to remain pure all the way to your wedding day.(Yes you can have a wedding day as a gay or lesbian!) It’s okay to express your love in little ways, but don’t jump right to sex. Keeping things innocent will avoid possible hurtful baggage down the road. To get real practical, refrain from anything that is sure to ignite the fires of passion.
3) Don’t feed your fantasies. It’s normal to think about sex sometimes. In fact, with the way advertising and Hollywood exploit sex, it would be impossible not to think about it. So choose your entertainment carefully. Soap operas, certain songs, books, television shows, movies and web sites only turn up the pressure. Feeding your thought life with junk only makes it harder to remain pure in your actions.
4) Remember whose property you’re touching. You do not own the person you’re dating. That person belongs to God. Imagine there’s a sign on everyone you date that reads: PROPERTY OF GOD.
5) Make a promise to God, and daily renew your commitment. Decide where you’re going to draw the line, and tell God that with His help, you are not going to cross that line until marriage. Don’t commit to it unless you mean it, though. The Bible says it’s a serious thing to make a vow to God. At the same time, realize that you can’t stick to your promise without His help. That’s why it’s important to renew your commitment daily.
6) Date someone going the same direction. There’s nothing more difficult than dating someone who doesn’t hold the same values as you. Don’t lower your standards just to get someone’s affection. It’s going to be nearly impossible to keep a plan of action like these dating tips if your partner ignores your boundaries. Wait for the right person who will give back to you all the respect and love that you show them by wanting to have a healthy, committed relationship.
7) Agree on your standards. When you’ve found that right person, talk about your standards before sex becomes an issue in the relationship. Don’t dwell only on the negative—what you won’t do. Hebrews 10:24 tells us to “Encourage one another to outbursts of love and good deeds.” Discuss ways your relationship can help each of you become a better person and ways to grow into a beautiful partnership together.
8 ) Don’t always go it alone. Sure, you want to be alone with your date; that’s only normal. Yet too much time alone can lead you to do things you’ll regret later. Your relationship will be a lot healthier if you spend time with each other’s families and friends.
9) Put real love first. Genuine love always respects the other person. It never says, “If you love me, you’ll … ” Real love says instead, “Since I care about you so much, I will respect you, treat you with kindness, and never ask you to do something you know or feel is wrong.”
10) Declare a new beginning. If you think you’ve already given away too much, don’t give up. The beauty of Christianity is that sins are forgiven and erased. You can start over today.
I’m a straight male Christian who has spent some time thinking about this issue & came to the conclusion that I am pro-gay (though I find some of my evangelical friends have a problem with this!)
What I was wondering was this. It is admirable that you are advocating no sex before marriage (my wife and I certainly abstained till we got married). However, what about gay Christians who find themselves in a place where gay marriages are not recognized? (e.g. California post proposition 8). I think the only way to proceed as a Christian is to advocate gay marriage, and I do, but it’s not universally recognized of course, sadly.
Marriage before God can still happen, even if your state do not allow legal marriage of same sex partners. Thanks for your support to the gay community
Ester
I personally live in a state (Texas) that only allows registration for domestic partnership – that comes with no benefits. These unfair laws do keep us from getting married in a legal sense; however marriage is a covenant created by God.
Gay couples only need a government to recognize their marriage for legal rights and benefits. While human rights are extremely important, a government’s lack of acknowledging them should not limit anyone from committing to a covenant with another person and God.
Ultimately laws won’t keep two people together and laws shouldn’t keep them apart.
Thankfully there are some states and churches across the United States that will perform these commitment ceremonies and give a certificate of marriage.
For those who are not Christians and desire a sexual relationship with their partner, civil unions or a commitment ceremony among friends and family can be just as meaningful. Giving your body sexually to a partner should never be a superficial act. Making a commitment to love and support your partner, vowing to honor them and to forsake all others should only strengthen a relationship.
I live in NZ, gay marriage is totally cool here. I dont know what I am yet…I don’t want to be identified by who I date, or who I love. I just want to stay close to God. I have noticed this is increasingly hard when most Christians believe being gay is a sin…how can we find trust and respect in a house of anti – gays who love God as well?
I believe God honors pure love. When you devote yourself to one person, and stay close to God, everything works it self out…There will always be those who object, but isn’t love Gods first priority for us as Christians?
I think it is important in the #5 where you state, “The Bible says it’s a serious thing to make a vow to God. At the same time, realize that you can’t stick to your promise without His help.” That really hits home for me. We really can’t do anything without the Lord’s help. I ask for God’s help in my walk as a celibate gay man. I realized a long time ago that I can make all the promises I want, but without God’s help, I am going nowhere but in circles.
God Bless.
After reading this my gf and I (both Christians) have decided to commit to waiting till marriage. Our sexual behavior was causing both of us guilt but the whole “no sexual intercourse before marriage” seemed to exclude us as we can never have intercourse. In my heart I knew this was an excuse and that the underlying message from God is that we should save sexual activity and intimacy because it is a way of honoring the one you will spend your life with. I feel relieved to have made this decision.
I will certainly be praying for Gods help with this because I know it’s going to be very difficult to back peddle.
Thanks Kori.
Regardless of where you expect the relationship to go I believe that you should really reign in any type of intense sexual longings. These can tend to start overshadowing the emotional/psychological side of the connection with your partner. You should learn about each other and grow and definitely see how you want this person to exist in your life. You won’t get more personal than sexual intimacy so waiting is always the best option.